Forgetting, For Living

When I was young, I remember that my playmates and classmates used to bully me because of my homosexuality. As time passed, I learned how to ignore emotional attacks through apathy. Through this, I managed to achieve and even surpass my academic goals, gained a wide network of friends, made myself popular that it may have affected how validation makes me drunk for attention drawn from others I barely know.

Mastering apathy isn’t easy, you have to endure hurtful words that even don’t make sense nor logic. Maybe it’s one of the reasons I tend to avoid conflicts because I’m so used to ignoring trivial events that I forget to classify between sensitivity and things that require urgency.

Where does this lead me?

It’s appalling how people still ask about you. Not to mention that I have been hearing that you’re back in the dating game; that’s a good thing! You’re trying to regain the life you’ve lost while you were with me us. Those petty lies I heard the last time we held hands and hugged, they’re trivial, I think and with the current situation, I think I’m right this time).

For now, I really like to overcome this depression. My hormones are starting to bounce back but still far from baseline. Art has helped me to dissipate this enveloping darkness that lingers for no apparent reason. It always grounds me from becoming disassociated from losing self-identity and fires up my creative thinking that I get to pause from calculus and statistics.

Yes, I learned and accepted our fate. As I recover from this upheaval, forgetting you temporarily could be a viable solution. Not visiting your profiles ignites a good start. Besides, you’ll be occupied this weekend not like when you thought of me for a short time during the holy week.

I don’t know how long will this take but I’m always grateful for the guy who stayed.


On my way home, I rode a PUV from Cubao Farmers – SSS Village. I was sitting at the rear with two adult woman and man. They dont look like couples because the man sitting beside me was not wearing any wedding ring. Me, being eavesdropper,  they were talking about the bar exams.

We were just waiting for one passenger…. a woman came in. She was wearing earphones listening to her music on her phone. When she sat down, her head was almost hitting the vehicle door, that the man beside me was waving near her face giving her warning that her head might hit the door! Within the three seconds that door was closing, the man’s waving hands accidentally hit the girl’s face.

She was in shock that her face turned red in anger not knowing that the man was just concerned because she was listening to music! I do not blame her at all.

The older woman started whining that the man should have not shown his concern to anybody. Her reasoning was other people might perceive it differently – and she kept on grunting against the courtesy shown to the other girl in dismay.

I just realized that this world would not progress if people would have the older woman’s thinking – apathy. That you think of yourself, your own welfare. The girl might have some mistake but everything happened so fast.

The man just laid his jaw and chin and lulled himself into sleep as the other woman kept on grunting.